Technology and Love
Technology can have a large impact on relationships. In my counseling office, I see many couples who are struggling over Internet and social media issues. The capability to earn a living from home via laptop and smart phone can imply arguing roughly how work spills over and absorbs relationship time. Secrets that cause friction can come out on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media sites. Online gaming, porn and gambling can have become addictive, and ravage families.
On the other hand, couples meet online and via social media sites, keep up a correspondence with buddies and family, save images of trips and events, commemorate anniversaries and create parties and precise occasionsall online.
Many experts and commentators worry that know-how will supplant relationships, but there are 4 reasons why we shall always need in-person contact.
1. The need to communicate: The ways we can communicate may multiply, and which will make staying in touch easier, but the need for face to face, intimate and open communication will never change. Partners have got to be equipped to talk openly roughly issues, feelings, disagreements, finances and future plans to make a marriage work. Texting and rapid smartphone calls or emails cannot be adequate to keep you linked.
2. Intimacy: Keeping intimacy alive in marriage depends upon personal contact, and sensory connection. Technology will never substitute these, and if you permit them to disappear from your relationship, the marriage will end.
3. Partnership: The teamwork that allows a couple to create a successful relationship, handle the business of marriage, plan for the future, and work together to build a satisfied life could also be enhanced or hindered by know-how, but it'll never be changed by it.
4. Family: A good marriage is the center of a healthy, loving family. The children and extended family surround the center created by the married couple. Technology can make it easier to keep up a correspondence with extended family, or with grown children away from home, but it'll not substitute the need for employees to have contact with one another, and know and care roughly each others lives.
Technology may also help or damage your relationships, its all in how you operate it. Learning to handle the new media can save your relationship! Its critical that you learn how to forestall Facebook apps from overtaking your time and your life, to keep tweeting to a conceivable minimum, and to be informed how to keep your significant other and dear buddies in the loop, even when they arent e-savvy.
Your close relationships can benefit from texting, posting and tweeting, but they'll also suffer. At home, you and your partner need to make agreements roughly when phoning, texting, e-mail, online gaming, working at home and answering calls is OK, and when its not. If phone calls are important to your work, or if personal calls are causing friction amongst you, develop indicators you can use while on the phone to let your partner or roommate know if youre going to be on the phone or laptop for a while. Negotiate rules for when answering phones and texts is OK and when its not. For example, on your precise night out, perhaps phoning and texting can be off-limits, unless its a baby sitter or youre on call at work. Make those agreements in advance.
With couples in my counseling practice, the biggest pitfall is spending way too much time on the net, followed by Internet porn, sex or affairs. The pseudo anonymity of the Web makes it tempting to take risks, or to ascertain a faux persona; both can be devastating to relationships. Keep in mind, if its on the net, faux screen name or not, its findable.
Dont interpret what your partner, friend or family member posts online, ask! If you see something upsetting on a Facebook wall go ahead and ask. Facebook is public, its not like analyzing private mail or a diaryjust ask whats going on, and give the other person an opportunity to supply an explanation for. Definitely dont sit around making up storiesyoull think up a lot more frightening stuff than is in actuality happening.
You not only have to consider your relationship, but your future job history, and legal issues, too, when you post online. Just because your buddies think its funny doesnt make it an exceptional idea. You can have fun, but take a moment to think how other employees see it.
If your partner spends way too much time online, it may not be work, it could also be a cyber affair. Even if its just an online game, its highest likely to develop feelings for one of the other gamers. And online porn can be a large problem in relationships, as can online shopping and gambling.
Here are some ideas for retaining know-how use in line.
DO: Set apart face to face time
DONT: Complain roughly know-how problemsfind solutions instead.
DO: Share know-how and enjoy it together
DONT: Fight roughly know-how, time or Internet issues
DO: Stay linked roughly laptop use and know-how. Understand each others wants for use.
DONT: Develop resentment roughly know-how use and lack of time together.
DO: Clearly and calmly state whatever is not working for you in the connection, and work together to solve the issues.
DONT: Allow texting, phoning, laptop use and social media time take over too much personal time.
DO: Make agreements roughly phoning, texting, e-mail, online gaming, working at home and answering calls. Set times when its relevant, and when its not.
DONT: Ignore feeling disconnected. Reach out to at least one another.
DO: Get counseling if you cant work it out on your own.
With a little planning and communication know-how can be managed and you can make sure it enhances your relationships instead of interfering with them.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is an authorised psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling employees and couples and author of thirteen books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her latest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the Dr. Romance blog, and the Happiness Tips from Tina email publication.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the a whole lot of stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, shes known as Dr. Romance Dr. Tessina appears ordinarily on radio, and such TV shows as Oprah, Larry King Live and ABC News.